Girlfriend Of The Year Award!!!!! So we had to lay some ground rules. Sexy, am I right??? Okay, not so much. But you know what is kinda attractive?
Managing your tendencies so you can thrive in your relationship. This is so me. I think communication as it seems to be with everything in a relationship is so key, once I explained to him how I was feeling and why I got super crabby at certain events we found ways to compromise that suited us both a lot better. I so, so understand and appreciate this post.
Because your money is somewhat joined, so that can often make for difficult conversations when your extrovert partner spends money on social activities. This was so good to read! My boyfriend is very, very introverted, whereas I am pretty introverted but tend to act like an extrovert for a few hours if required. Such a great post! Last year I took a MBTI personality test, and it helped me solidify a ton about myself and the relationships I have with others.
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It is trending amongst both android and also iphone customers as it pleases both of them in correct amounts. Introvert Dating An Extrovert? Let them exist as they are. He almost never wants to sit at home quietly with me so that we can enjoy being alone together, and I worry that his constant need for distraction is preventing us from really having the sort of close relationship I want. Ideally, I'd have a mate who is as introspective as I am, or at least not such an extrovert. He'd have his own rich inner life, and we could enjoy spending time alone together without needing to be distracted by activity.
I realize that I'm a bit of an oddball and I'm lucky to have found him, but I'm afraid that we'll never be as close as I'd like because of his constant need to find new strangers to talk to. About a week ago, he dragged me to yet another room full of strangers, then abandoned me to go talk to people he didn't know.
The Guide to Dating an Extrovert
I didn't really have much to say and was feeling overwhelmed, so I was pretty quiet. Afterwards, he confronted me and told me that I made the situation awkward for him by not being louder and more exciting. He didn't want to accept that it takes me a while to warm up to people and that these stranger-courting skills he takes for granted are out of my comfort zone. He told me that shyness is a negative personality trait and that I should work to overcome it. He thinks I have a mental illness social anxiety because I enjoy really getting to know people instead of making vapid small talk in a huge, loud room.
The thing is, I don't really want to become like him. I'm happy to have him go off and do his own thing, but I get the sense that he doesn't actually like my personality because I'm not as flashy and exciting as he wants me to be.
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I also suspect that he might be pretty shallow, and I'm not sure whether someone who feels the need to constantly seek out new experiences can ever actually commit to a long-term relationship with just one person. So, should I break up with him? Do you see what I did there? I described her personality traits in a positive way and yours negatively deep and thoughtful rather than flashy and loud. I made assumptions about your mental health based on your superficial behavior he must be shallow and afraid to share his feelings because he has so many acquaintances and scorns the desire for a few close friendships.
Basically, I did the reverse of what you've been doing to her. I'm not saying that she feels the way I've described. I'm saying that you're being deeply unfair to her, and just as it's not okay for me to do that to you, it's not okay for you to do that to other people. The two of you are different, and that's okay. What's not okay is your view that your way of doing things is the right way and hers is the wrong way.
12 Men Reveal Exactly Why They’d Rather Date An Introvert Or An Extrovert | Thought Catalog
You say that you're "absolutely unwilling to change" your desire for constant stimulation from other people and that you want her to "overcome" her "mostly-negative" desire for quiet time free of social activity. That's not a sustainable relationship. You need to decide whether you can love her actual personality rather than the hypothetical personality you think she should work towards having.
I'm really mostly looking for others who have been in similar situations and am interested in how they dealt with it. Both sides have to view this as a problem, want to fix it and make and effort to do so. Two nights a week go be extroverted. Two nights you go be introverted. Two nights a week go solo with friends. Flip for the seventh. Like any couple problem, you work together on it and find a compromise that pleases you both. I think if you are out having a solo social life, and simultaneously you think of her shyness as something that bothers you, you might end up cheating at some point. As an introverted female, when I've dated extroverted guys it often ended up that way.
I didn't want to go out to bars and parties, they did, and they ended up meeting other girls who were more like them. I ended up an introverted guy for this reason. Don't settle for someone who doesn't have the basic things that are important to you. It's not fair to you or her. I'm sure it's just in the way you wrote the question and the fact that you're asking for advice but it seems that in your view of her, "introvert" takes precedence over "girlfriend".
If this problem was something that could be overcome, you'd appear more concerned about how she's feeling in a social setting. I'm an introvert with an extroverted spouse and though he thrives on being around people, he also cares deeply for how I'm doing and puts his need to socialize on the backburner if he's worried that I'm uncomfortable.
I do my best to socialize if it appears to make him happy, and he does his best to tone it back if it appears to make me happy. However, just remember you may not be a social butterfly forever. What are your ages?
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Values regarding friends and social activities can change dramatically. Personally, I became much more of a homebody over the years. My husband is an introvert, and I'm extremely chatty, outgoing and so on. When we go to events or social occasions, I make a big effort to introduce him to people, point out similar interests, etc.
He's not going to tell jokes to 40 people at once, but he does start chatting--he doesn't sit there, waiting for me to carry the whole social load. While we didn't make an explicit deal about this, it's worked out over the years. It would be ungracious of him to be stone silent, and it would be rude of me to leave him to fend for himself. It's got to be a team effort.
Okay, I'm going to leave this thread alone for a while. I forgot that if you ask people for advice, they'll often tell you to quit your job, leave your girlfriend, start a new business, and travel the world. Because they don't have to deal with any of the consequences. Maybe this question is unbalanced a bit. Anyway, if I could request anything of future commenters, I'd say maybe a little less of "you sound like a jerk, break up with her", and maybe a little more of "I was in this situation and we did this" And please do realize that I love this woman.
I really do not want to break up with her. I am extremely extroverted. My husband is extremely introverted.
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We've been together for sixteen and a half years. The most important thing I can tell you right now is to absolutely ruthlessly root out any sense that shyness or introversion is a character flaw or something to be overcome. It is a fundamental part of who your partner is.